It’s in the eye of the beholder



We see it everywhere- posters of big-breasted bikini-clad blonde babes, shaving adverts featuring chiselled jaws and rippling chest muscles, beautiful smiling faces exposing a perfect set of pearly-whites, adorning the cover of a magazine.

These are the role models that we are faced with every day, and as a result, aspire to. We all know that many of these images are unrealistic and some unattainable for the average mere human being, however that is not the point to be made here. What has come to my attention is that, although there seems to be an overall standard that each group, or sex, regards as the ideal, these ‘stereotypes’ differ between the two genders.

The male view of the ‘perfect woman’ is often different to that of the female idea of perfection. There is also a variation between the different age groups. For example, young men generally go for the large breasts, the long slim legs, the voluptuous figure, whereas older men look more at the presentation of a woman- the clothes she wears, how she carries herself, her manner. An older man may also be more inclined to notice a beautiful face on a woman with a less-than-perfect figure than a young man, who usually focuses on the amount of bodily flesh on show.

Attitudes to personality also vary, with many young men seeing a woman with a laid-back, adventurous, and ‘up-for-it’ personality as the ideal, and older men looking more preferably on a woman with intelligence, who can hold down a good conversation, and knows her mind well enough to express it. This could be due to differing levels of emotional maturity, or simply down to the fact that most young men are looking to have good time, a busy social life, and not worry about anything too serious yet, whereas older men are naturally looking to finding a more meaningful partnership and settling down. Of course, this is a generalisation, but it does seem to serve us quite well here.

It is interesting to see that, in contrast to the male view of the ideal woman, the female view often centres around weight, or lack of it. Despite the resurgence of ‘curvy’ and millions of men declaring their appreciation for the curvaceous figure, women are still putting themselves through punishing diet and fitness regimes in order to get as thin as possible. It seems that in a woman’s mind, thin will always be beautiful. Equally certain personality traits and lifestyle characteristics are more attractive to women than men. Women will see a role model in an independent and successful career woman, balancing work and personal life to perfection, having got to that position through her own initiative and not being funded by a man. Men, however, may focus more on the quality of a woman’s social life, her popularity, the variety of interests she pursues, and again, the physicality.

This difference in perception can also be seen when we look at the ideal man. Whereas other men would perceive him to be physically strong, determined, tolerant of pain, probably good at sports, popular and ‘a good laugh’, women might see a caring, sensitive, sophisticated and well-mannered individual to be the ideal. Men look up to a team player, but women respect an individual.

So why do we see these differences in how we perceive both sexes? It could be due to upbringing and societal norms. As a general rule, boys are encouraged to take part in group activities such as sports from an early age, they build up a sense of camaraderie, and are exposed to an environment where ‘masculine’ traits such as physical strength and a sense of adventure are nourished. Girls, on the other hand, grow up in a world where beauty, manners, and presentability are all important. Quite simply, boys and girls are nurtured to like different things. Partly due to this, along with perhaps nature itself (the age-old nature versus nurture argument), men and women want different things, and find different attributes attractive, even if just on a minor level.

With all of this is mind, it does beg the question: If perfection is always questionable and subjective, how can one ever achieve it? And why do we keep trying? Ladies- how can you please all your male and female acquaintances? How can you ever be universally liked and respected for all the ‘right’ reasons when, in order to achieve this, you would have to be a multitude of different things, some of these conflicting?!

 The simple answer is you cannot. The best you can do is to be yourself no matter what, and people can like it or lump it! It’s not about pleasing everyone around you, it’s about pleasing yourself. And I find that’s often the most difficult person of all to satisfy! If there is another ‘lesson’ to learn from this, it is the simple fact that, although men and women are similar, they are also different; two sides of the same coin- they complement each other, yet remain distinctly different in appearance and make-up.

 Besides, if we all thought the same, what a boring place this world would be, don’t you think?

Jennie Rawling

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